A Funny Thing Happened On The Way
by RowanJade
Summary: SG1 goes on a mission and gets a little bit lost. Still not sure how this popped into my head but it did and I enjoyed the idea. Hope you do too.
1. Chapter 1

Title: A Funny Thing Happened On The Way...

Rating: PG/T for mild cussing

Characters: SG-1

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Stargate SG-1 and I'm not making any money from this story so don't waste your time suing me.

Author's Note: I'm not sure why this popped into my head but it did and it wouldn't leave me alone until I'd written it all down. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

The day started out like any other, a quick meeting in the conference room to discuss the ideals behind the latest mission, a short break to prepare and get their gear together then off to the embarkation room. Carter's auto dial program had been working like a champ and they'd finally been able to go to three of the previously unattainable locations that had been found in the Abydos map room. This latest location had just popped up last week and they'd been so busy recently they hadn't had time to even send the M.A.L.P. through.

When the M.A.L.P. had been sent through last night it had shown a lush field spread out before the gate and, other than the oddly colored foliage, it looked pretty pleasant. Carter had remarked that it would be an ideal spot for a nice picnic and she'd teasingly requested that they be able to bring along fried chicken and potato salad. O'Neill played along with her and asked General Hammond if he would let them bring along a case of beer and a Frisbee too. Hammond's face became red at the suggestion as Teal'c eyebrow climbed ever higher and Daniel just rubbed the bridge of his nose as if he had a giant headache.

As they left the room Teal'c leaned into Daniel's shoulder and asked, "What is this Frizz bee they speak of? Is it life form I am unfamiliar with?"

"No, it's a hard plastic disc that when you throw it correctly will cover great distances," the archaeologist replied.

"Ah, a weapon then."

"No…actually it's a toy."

Teal'c looked confused for a moment, then shrugged and walked off towards his room.

"Chevron seven locked," drawled the sergeant on duty at the gate control.

SG-1 stood in a clump at the bottom of the metal ramp that lead to the now glowing stargate and waited for the event horizon to stabilize so they could get on with their task. Carter was still grumbling about not being able to have a little fun and bring along a picnic so O'Neill prodded her with the muzzle of his gun and shoved her up the ramp. The travelers walked through the event horizon and disappeared from the concrete bunker.

_Five hours later_

"Are you done yet Carter? I'm getting bored here!" O'Neill called from the shade of a tree near the D.H.D.

"Just another few minutes sir, I've got to get this sample just right or this is a wasted trip." She was bent over a hole she'd dug in the ground near the tree line and her butt wiggled a little in O'Neill's direction as she reached down into the hole once more.

O'Neill smiled at her wiggling hindquarters and lowered his cap over his eyes once more. They'd scouted around near the gate and found nothing more harmful than an abnormally large hot pink butterfly so he'd relaxed his guard and decided a nap was in order. Teal'c was standing guard near the D.H.D. and Daniel was trying to decipher a stone tablet that was located next to the gate. Carter was doing her scientific thing so there was nothing left for Jack to do but nap. He'd settled into the grass and covered his eyes, telling his inner clock to wake him up in half an hour. However, when he'd looked at his watch upon waking he'd noticed that he'd been asleep for well over two hours. Guess he needed sleep more than he thought. Glancing back over his shoulder to where Daniel was doing his nerd thing Jack smiled and closed his eyes once more.

"C'mon Jack, time to go home," Daniel called. Jack stirred from his napping spot with a grunt and rose to his feet.

"Right. Carter, dial us home," he said as he straightened his shirt back down and adjusted his cap on his head.

Carter jogged over to the D.H.D. and began pushing the correct glyphs to return them to Earth. When the even horizon stabilized it sputtered a few times as if there were an interruption to it's power flow but other than that there didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary so they walked into the event horizon.

Suddenly the floor dropped out from beneath them and the team fell into a blackness that was unending.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack O'Neill rolled over onto his back in the utter darkness of the place they'd landed in and felt something sharp and vaguely gun shaped under him. Groaning as he reached under himself to remove the offending object he wondered where in the universe they had ended up. Listening intently to the sounds around him he tried to determine if his team was with him or if there was any other immediate danger he couldn't see. A soft groan came from his left and he turned his head towards it.

"Teal'c? Is that you?" he whispered not knowing who or what else was listening.

"I am here Colonel O'Neill," the burly Jaffa said in a soft voice.

"Carter? Daniel?" Jack rolled up onto his knees and found the floor to be very hard and uneven, almost like a cave so he sat back down on his butt and waved his arms around trying to find either the other two members of his group or a wall.

A loud groan came from across the dark room and Jack tried to scoot his way towards the noise. "Daniel? Where are you?"

"Ugh…over here Jack. Where are we? What happened?"

"Ya know I wish I had the answers to that Daniel but right now you're guess is as good as mine. Do you know where Carter is?"

"Uh, no…"

"Carter?" he crawled closer to the sound of Daniel's voice and barked his shin on a jutting rock. "Ow! Damn it!"

"What happened Jack? Are you all right?" Daniel's voice was closer now.

"Stupid hard floor, smacked my knee."

"Huh, floor's not hard over here."

"That's because you're laying on me!" Carter's muffled voice came from roughly the same spot Daniel's had but in the dark it was hard to tell.

Daniel scrambled off Carter and found out that the floor was indeed hard as he drove a rock into his shin followed rapidly by another one into his groin. A pained, girlish squeak erupted from him and Carter tried desperately not to laugh. "S'not funny Sam," he hissed as he rolled about on the floor cupping himself and trying to remember how to breathe.

"Any idea what happened Colonel?" Carter asked as she sat up and took stock of her dark surroundings.

"Dunno, you were driving. You sure you dialed the right number?"

"Yes sir! I definitely dialed the right number."

"Colonel O'Neill I cannot find a dial home device in our present location. I am afraid we are in fact lost sir."

"Just dandy Teal'c, keep searching." Jack began rummaging through his bag looking for a light source. They hadn't planned on being on their planet long enough for it to get dark so they hadn't packed much. In fact there was very little that was usable in their current situation packed because they'd only been scheduled for a short trip to collect soil and mineral samples and then come home. Jack's hand finally wrapped around one of the emergency glow sticks they always carried and he pulled it out. "Light stick," he announced before he cracked the plastic stick to activate the chemicals in it.

The harsh green glow that emanated from the stick shed little light on their situation. They were in fact in a cave and there was not only no D.H.D. visible, there was also no stargate. "Uh, Carter? Can you explain to me why there's no stargate here? I'm pretty sure we're not home and I'd really appreciate any explanation you could give me."

Carter merely shook her head and looked baffled. When Jack looked to Daniel he got approximately the same reaction but with slightly more pain still coloring his face. Jack's head suddenly throbbed with the beginnings of an almighty headache and he rubbed his temples while grumbling something that sounded like "women drivers".


	3. Chapter 3

Jack was still rubbing his temples when a soft blue light shimmered around Teal'c and he vanished into thin air.

"Uh, Jack…." Daniel stammered. "Teal'c just vanished."

"Great, just great. What now?" Jack began pacing the small cave and rubbing his temples furiously.

Carter had been looking along the edge of the walls for anything that looked like a door and she sighed loudly when she found nothing. "Looks like we're stuck here. Daniel you wouldn't happen to have a portable pocket stargate on you would you?"

Daniel looked at Sam like she was crazy but he shrugged anyway. "Sorry, forgot to bring it this time."

"Why does this always have to happen when I have plans? It couldn't happen when I've got jury duty or something boring like that. No! Gotta happen when I've got tickets. Never fails." Jack huffed as he paced.

"What are you talking about sir?" Carter asked as she settled herself on the ground next to her pack.

"I had tickets to tonight's game. Right on the boards too." He sighed as he thought about the game he was going to miss. "Center ice, behind the benches. Why me?" he whined as he buried his face in his hands and leaned against the wall.

"I'm sorry sir. I wish there was something I could do about this but I'm at a loss."

"It's okay Carter I'm just whining. But, if you happen to come up with something soon I'd be really happy." His grin in the green light from the glow stick looked decidedly maniacal.

"You know Jack it could be…"

"Stop! Don't say it Daniel or it'll be that way." Jack took one more look around the cave and slid roughly down one of the walls, wrapping his arms around his knees and laying his head on them.

_Meanwhile_

The roar of the crowd was getting louder despite the ear plugs that blocked most of the noise. A sea of black satin jacketed body guards swarmed the stage and dragged the sequined star into their protective circle.

"Get 'im to the dressin room ye lot!" Screamed a voice that had the air of authority to it.

The sea of muscle moved and swelled, protecting the fragile person in the middle while flowing towards the right side of the stage. Screaming women dove and shoved the bodyguards, effectively pushing their prey farther away from them. The screams became more frantic as they realized that their idol was slipping through their grasp.

"Gotta keep 'em back from the door or they'll get 'im. Can't have that 'appenin again now can we?" Joked the man to Teal'c's left.

"Bloody right mate," Teal'c joked back, surprised to hear his voice in a strange accent. "What the 'ell?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Wos a mattah mate?"

"Why'm I talkin like this?" Teal'c didn't feel any different, aside from not having a clue what was going on, but somehow it felt natural so he kept shoving his way along the stage.

"Are you loopy mate? You've always talked like 'at. You been 'avin a wee toke wif out us now 'ave ye?"

That phrase didn't seem like it meant a good thing so Teal'c shook his head no slowly. He had a nagging feeling like he wasn't supposed to be here but there was nothing to indicate that he _wasn't supposed to be_ so he looked at the man who'd been speaking to him. The other man smiled at Teal'c and they continued shoving their way forward until they'd passed through a heavy door that was quickly slammed behind them. The noise back here was significantly lower but still there was a roar of noise in the room. Scantily clad women were flashing plastic badges at the men and proceeding past them to crowd around a skinny man with greasy hair and pasty skin.

"Now now ladies, there's plenty of the Ripper to go around," the skinny pasty man was saying in a voice that was more whine than average.

Once more feeling as if something were wrong and he didn't quite belong here, Teal'c looked around the backstage room they were in and tried to figure out what was making him feel so strangely. The room was crowded with people, many in black satin jackets like the one he wore. Across the front of the jackets on the breast was a name written in silver thread and on the backs of them was a large patch in gold and red that said "The Monarchs" on it.

Wondering what "The Monarchs" was, Teal'c continued to scan the room, noting many posters on the walls advertising various products such as guitars and beer. One of the guitar posters was larger than the others and centered in the poster was the skinny pasty guy holding a guitar that was shooting flames out it's end. The poster proclaimed that "Ripper" Rogers of The Monarchs only used Super Rocker Guitars. As his gaze circled the room he was bumped into by one of the scantily clad women who seemed to be extremely inebriated.

"Whoopsie…sorry there big fella. D'ya know where da bafroom is?" she slurred.

Teal'c didn't even think about the answer but immediately pointed across the room to a large green door. Wondering how it was he knew where the room she required was, he pondered his situation some more. When he could find nothing in the room to give him a clue he shrugged and made his way towards a large table with food spread out on it. Noticing that many of the women were making their way over here and taking small plates of food Teal'c thought that perhaps he should investigate over there.

As he wandered casually over to the side of the table the skinny pasty man approached him with a blonde woman holding his left arm and a brunette on his right.

" Ay there Marty, do us a favor mate and see that these two birds get some tickets to tomorrow night's show." Teal'c looked around confused, trying to determine who the man was speaking to. "Oy! Marty are ye deaf mate? I'm talkin' to ye. Get these dolls some tickets…"

"My name is not Marty," Teal'c said with a strange assuredness.

"Wot? Says Marty on yer jacket mate."

"My name is not Marty." Teal'c voice became deeper and he spoke each word slowly as if he were waiting for everyone to register the meaning of it. He looked down at the pasty man and raised his eyebrow stoically as he examined the man called Ripper.

"Right then, Fred, Barney, whatever yer name is, get these dolls a pair of tickets and 'urry up."

"I do not belong here." Teal'c drawled slowly.

"Aw bloody 'ell!" The skinny man pulled a small device that looked like a calculator out of his pocket and viciously stabbed at a few of the buttons on it. He glared at the machine and looked up at Teal'c. "Damn it all," he whined with out a trace of the accent he had a moment ago, "You must be another bug in the system. Guess I'll have to scrap this program too." He sighed and pushed another button on the device and everything went dark.


	5. Chapter 5

Jack, Sam and Daniel had been sitting in the cave quietly for almost an hour after Teal'c disappeared. Each one trying to figure out where they were and how to get back home with no stargate and no D.H.D. Every once in a while Sam would start to say something, then she'd look around and shake her head forlornly as she shot down her own idea.

Daniel had gotten up with Jack and paced for about fifteen minutes and once they'd started bumping into each other they'd both sat back down. Daniel had just stretched himself out on the rocky cave floor when the blue glow shimmered back into the cave and Teal'c suddenly reappeared in a heap on the floor.

"Teal'c! What happened?" Jack lunged towards the bigger man.

"I do not know Colonel O'Neill. I seem to have been transported to a strange place and forced to play out a scene of great confusion to me." He sat up and righted himself, noting that he no longer wore the strange clothes he had on previously.

"Where did you go? Did you see the stargate or any method of getting us out of here?" Sam's rapid fire questions overwhelmed Teal'c and he held up his hand motioning for her to hold off for a moment so he could collect his thoughts.

"I was transported to a loud arena where there were lots of screaming people. Apparently I was assigned as a guard for one person who had great power and he asked me to do something for him that I didn't understand, then I was returned here."

"Okay, well we'll have to get all the details later but right now we need to figure out how to get ourselves out of here," Jack said. They all rose and once more began trying to brainstorm a plan to escape. Sam had just made a suggestion when the blue glow returned, this time enveloping Jack who promptly disappeared.

"But they won't listen to reason sir, that's the problem. You're going to have to be….subtle?" Jack wasn't sure where he was or what he was saying but it seemed like the correct thing to say as the words were coming out of his mouth.

He looked around the hall and found a sea of men in suits and ties around him, many carrying clipboards and stacks of papers. That gave him no clue to his surroundings so he swept his gaze up and down the hall. There were several white doors closed up and down the hall, the carpet was a deep red and there were several portraits of Presidents on the walls. Finally his gaze fell on two marines in full dress at the end of the hall flanking another door, on which was set the Presidential seal.

"Uh oh," he said under his breath. He'd just realized that he'd ended up in a scene like Teal'c had. Unfortunately he had no idea what was going on or how to get out of it.

"I don't give a damn about it Lester, these maniacs cannot be allowed to take our people prisoner. We've got to get them out!" The skinny man walking in front of him spun around and pointed his finger in Jack's face. "I can't let these madmen do this to my citizens. These people voted me in here under the belief that I'd protect them and I will not let them down!"

Jack cringed as the man stabbed his finger after every word to punctuate his words. He sounded like he was reading these lines from a movie script but he seemed to believe what he was saying.

"Do you have a problem with that Les?"

"Uh…," Jack struggled to figure out who Lester was. Was it him? He couldn't remember but it felt familiar. "…no."

"Good, I'm glad we're on the same page and it's 'no sir' by the way. Just because I'm the youngest President ever elected doesn't mean that I'm not due respect. Now let's get the heads of office together and figure out what we're gonna do to save these citizens." The man practically skipped down the hall to the office door with the Presidential seal. When he opened the door the Oval Office could be seen on the other side. "Oh, and Les, bring me some coffee and a sandwich on your way back."

_One hour later:_

"Gentlemen, the point is that this operation had to be covert. If the public finds out about what we're doing to rescue these hostages, or even that they've been taken hostage in the first place we'll have a public outcry that will make Vietnam look like a tea party. So I ask you once more, what are we going to do?"

"President Rogers, sir, our intelligence points to the fact that they are being moved on a regular basis. No location is being used twice in one cycle but they are in a predictable pattern. If we can figure out what their next move is then we can send a team in and get our people out. It'll be dangerous and we'll probably lose some of the team but it's an acceptable risk in my opinion."

"Fine, then make it happen people! We need to get our people back safely or there's gonna be hell to pay."

Jack sat quietly on the corner of one of the couches facing the massive desk in front of the window. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was living out a movie he'd seen but everyone else seemed to be reacting in a normal fashion. Besides, there were no visible cameras or equipment.

"What are you still sitting there for Coletrane? I dismissed you all. You've got work to do, get to it!" The skinny man behind the desk, (the President?) pointed towards the door and shoed Jack away.

Rising slowly from the edge of the couch Jack looked the younger man up and down trying to figure out why he had this odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Sir? Can I ask you a terribly odd question?"

The younger man behind the desk smiled in a friendly way. "Odd huh? Sure why not."

"Sir, do you ever get the feeling that this is not real? Like right now, I feel like I'm living out a bad movie but it kinda feels real too. Does that ever happen to you?"

President Rogers laughed, "Yeah it is all kinda strange sometimes huh? Being elected the youngest President in history was strange enough but having the nation alter the Declaration Of Independence to keep me in office for another term was totally out of the blue. I feel kinda like a superhero some days and other days the weight of the world is just a bit to heavy of a burden for me to carry."

Jack thought about what was just said and caught the error in what the other man had said. "Sir, the Declaration of Independence isn't what limits terms, it's the Constitution. Are you sure…"

He never had time to finish his sentence because the younger man whipped out a small electronic device and punched a few buttons on it and everything went black.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch 6

Samantha Carter had been questioning Teal'c about his experience when he'd disappeared for almost an hour when the strange blue glow returned and Jack O'Neill fell in a crumpled pile on the floor of the cave.

"Jack! What happened?" Daniel practically pounced on top of Jack in his excitement to find out what had happened to the Colonel.

"Ugh…," Jack smacked his hand on his face and looked for all the world like he'd just gotten run over by a fleet of trucks. "Teal'c when you got sent back did it feel like this?"

"I believe so Colonel O'Neill, however I have a higher tolerance to pain than most humans."

"Not helping Teal'c. Carter? Any ideas yet?"

"Working on it sir. We've sort of figured out what happened to Teal'c. Apparently he was in a scene where he was a body guard to a British rock star. At least that's what we got from him limited experiences with Earth culture."

"And that helps us get out of here, how?"

Daniel saw the look on Jack's face, that same old look of 'why can't you brainy types figure out a way to keep these stupid things from happening to us?' that he always got. "Um…well we're working on that Jack. Can you tell us what happened to you so we can get a better idea of who's in charge and how we can communicate with them?"

"Yeah sure, gimme a second here. Does anyone have any aspirin?" He reached for the pile of back packs that they'd all been carrying. Noting the small pile of used light sticks and mentally calculating how long they'd been in this cave it suddenly dawned on Jack that they were seriously in trouble if they didn't find a way out of this pretty soon. Since they hadn't been scheduled to be off world for longer than six hours they hadn't packed food or water for any longer than that.

Swallowing a gulp of water and a small handful of aspirin, Jack settled himself into a somewhat comfortable spot on the hard cave floor. Daniel looked at him like a kid eyeing the stack of presents under the tree on Christmas morning so Jack sighed and tried to compose his thoughts.

"Okay, I got put into a scenario that involved politics," Jack visibly shuddered at the distasteful thought. "Apparently I was an aide or something to the President and there was some sort of hostage situation that he was all gung ho to resolve. I've got no clue what any of that means or how it's linked to Teal'c or any of this. Carter, you're the brains here, figure this out will ya?"

Sam looked at Jack curiously and then turned to Daniel. "I'm at a loss here. It sounds like there's a greater power controlling this situation. Sort of like the Asgard and their holograms but not the same thing. Daniel, do you have any…" Her sentence was cut short by the blue glow surrounding Daniel as he disappeared.

_Elsewhere:_

"They're digging as fast as they can Dallas, you can't push them anymore!" The man in the turban spoke, his accent thick and heavy like the heat in the air. The heat shimmered over the sand behind him like a curtain in the air. "If you keep this up they'll all drop before we get there. Think about it."

"I know that Sayid but if we don't get to it before the Russians do we're sunk! We can't let that piece fall into their hands. The implications of what will happen are too scary to imagine!"

The man in the pith helmet and khakis that was speaking was not at all like Daniel had expected. He was short and skinny and was so pasty skinned that he had to be using about a 300 SPF sunblock not to be fried alive in this sun. Wondering what was going on but feeling like he belonged here he wandered over to the two men.

"Ah, there you are Cooper, can you tell me what the progress is looking like? I was hoping to be at least up to the front wall of the tomb by now," the skinny man said as he noticed Daniel's presence.

"Yes sir, we've reached the door but we're having some trouble deciphering the runes on it. If you'd be so kind as to help us along we'd be through it in no time." Daniel stuttered as he spoke to the man before him. The awe he felt to be allowed in Dallas Rogers' presence was simply amazing. No young archaeologist would be happier than to be here with this great man.

Rogers rolled his eyes at the nervous man before him and waved his hand dismissing him. Daniel bowed his head and backed away from the others. He turned and headed back to the location that was being dug out of the sand that had buried it for so long. Looking around at the turbaned men digging furiously to unearth the tomb he felt a wave of pride wash over him. When he reached the newly unearthed door he picked up a brush and began dusting the hidden runes off. Suddenly he took a good look at the symbols he was uncovering and he understood every single one.

"Move aside Cooper, let me at these so I can do what I do best." Rogers roughly shoved Daniel aside and began running his fingers along the lines of runes on the stone door. "Ah, yes. See here it says that the entrance of the tomb lies beneath and then….yes, here is the passage about the gods watching to make sure the tomb is never entered and whomever does will meet with a terrible fate."

"Um….no"


	7. Chapter 7

Daniel stared at the others who had all dropped their jaws in disbelief that he was telling the great Dallas Rogers that he was wrong. No one ever did that.

"You're reading it wrong. See here where the bird symbol is facing left, that means you're supposed to read it in that direction so you're reading it backwards. What it says is 'he who enters the tomb will face dangers but be rewarded once the secrets are revealed'. What that means is that the treasure is hidden but if we pay attention to the signs we can find it with no problem."

Daniel looked around at the small group and wondered why no one had noticed that. They were all staring at him with a look of shock on their tanned faces but Rogers wasn't. He was rummaging through his pockets searching for something. When he found what he was looking for he pulled out a small device that looked like a calculator and he glared at Daniel.

"I don't get it, there doesn't seem to be a bug but that's the third time today the program has had a defect. I know I programmed it better than this," he said as he punched buttons on the device.

"Program?" Daniel looked puzzled. "I'm not part of any…" suddenly everything went black.

_In the cave:_

"None of this makes any sense." Samantha Carter had finished questioning Colonel O'Neill a while ago and reasoned out that he and Teal'c had been placed in some sort of fantasy like program when they'd disappeared. The only thing left to figure out was who was doing this to them and why. "It's almost like that thing with Urgo but I can't figure out why we're in a cave."

"Urgo? Why'd you have to remind me about that?" Colonel O'Neill once more began rubbing his temples.

"Sorry sir, but it's similar in nature to that. However, we're not all experiencing the same thing. Maybe when Daniel comes back we can get something from his experience."

"I certainly hope so because I'm getting hungry and my butt hurts."

Teal'c looked over at Jack in the dim light of the glow stick and raised his eyebrow at Jack's comment. "Daniel Jackson will have more information for us when he returns. He may give us the clue we need to depart from this place. I am hopeful of this."

As if to punctuate Teal'c words the blue glow shimmered into the cave and deposited Daniel in a heap on the floor. "…program." He looked around in confusion and when he realized that he was back in the cave he sat up quickly and looked for Sam. "Any progress?"

She shook her head slowly, "No. We were hoping you'd have something for us."

"Well I'm not sure what I got but I'm pretty sure we can figure something out. Teal'c you said the guy that was ordering you around was named what again?"

"I believe it was 'Ripper'."

"No, the last name," Daniel sputtered, as he often did when he was onto something important.

"The last name was Rogers."

"Yes! And Jack, the President in yours?"

Jack scratched his head for a moment and looked surprised when the name that popped into his head was the same. "Rogers!"

"I fail to see the importance Daniel Jackson."

Sam looked over at Teal'c and smiled. "There was a Rogers in yours too huh Daniel?"

"Yup! So if we wait until another one of us gets taken then we just have to find someone named Rogers and explain the situation and convince him to let us go."


	8. Chapter 8

Jack had just snapped the last of the glow sticks in half when the blue shimmer returned and this time snatched up Sam. She was looking around, startled manner as she disappeared. They'd been sitting in the cave for almost two hours waiting to see if one of them would be taken off. Having already eaten the few ration bars they had and sipped cautiously at the water in their canteens they'd passed the time in relative quiet. There had been no reason to talk about anything other than getting back home and once they'd all become pretty depressed by their outlook they'd quieted down, each becoming lost in their own thoughts.

Once Sam disappeared Daniel began nervously chattering about how easy it would be for her to find Rogers and convince him to let them go. Teal'c managed to look almost enthusiastic and Jack just looked weary.

"Okay Carter, get to it and get us the heck outta here," Jack sighed as he settled back down to wait.

_Elsewhere:_

A green bolt of a laser ripped through the metal of the deck and a wave of heat shimmered over the area. Sam dodged around a body laying on the deck and the gaping hole from the laser, pushing her way through the chaos of the moment. She had no idea what was going on but judging form the rest of the team's experiences she had been placed into a scenario and she had a part to play. However, she had no idea what her part was.

She glanced around the scene and noted several people shooting laser guns in all directions. Past them she could see sand dunes for miles. That would explain the heat. The one thing that struck her as terribly odd was that there were several different kinds of aliens on the deck around her. This looked terribly familiar to Sam but she couldn't quite place why.

Well, first things first, she needed to find Rogers and explain the situation to him so they could get themselves back home. Scanning the group of people around her she looked for anyone that would fit the description that the others had given her. No one in the immediate area seemed to match the mental picture she had so she began threading her way through the chaos. Noticing a general movement towards the back of the ship Sam decided to head in that direction.

Suddenly she was grabbed by the arm and spun around to face a small man in a brown shirt that looked like it came straight from the Tok'Ra's tailor. He glared at her, running his gaze up and down her body several times. Wondering what it was that he was looking at, she looked down and realized she was wearing what looked like a bikini made out of metal. Very little of her skin was actually covered and she suddenly felt incredibly self conscious. The man that had grabbed her was leering at her chest so she kicked him in the shin and continued on her way across the deck.

When she reached the far railing of the deck she looked over the side to see another ship hovering over the sand dunes. On the uncovered deck of that ship there were several people shooting laser guns at each other and one man in a black outfit waving around what looked like a glowing sword. As he leaped and spun across the deck Sam suddenly realized why this scene looked so familiar to her.

Teal'c had been exploring various parts of Earth's culture for several years now but he'd recently discovered that there was a company that would send videos to your home address. He'd been working his way through the library of videos for a while when he'd discovered the joys of science fiction movies. Something about that particular genre amused the Jaffa to no end. Perhaps it was the similarities to what he and the team actually did every day.

Either way, it was Teal'c's passion for science fiction that made Sam realize why this was so familiar. Teal'c had a strange fondness for the Star Wars movies and he'd ordered them from the movie company so many times that Jack had finally just bought Teal'c his own copies. Every once in a while they'd all have a few days off and they usually ended up spending the time together. Sam figured that because they couldn't talk to anyone outside of the SGC about what they did that it was just easier to spend time together so there was never a worry about letting some important secret slip.

So several times in the past few months they'd ended up at Jack's house, playing poker, drinking beer, grilling steaks and inevitably watching some science fiction movie with Teal'c. Since Teal'c was so enamored of the Star Wars movies Sam and the others had now seen the series of movies several times. Realizing that the scenario she had been brought into was very similar to one of the Star Wars movies, Sam realized that finding Rogers wasn't going to be as easy as she'd first thought.


	9. Chapter 9

Sam had been running back and forth across the deck of the ship for what felt like a long time now. She had decided that since she couldn't see anyone in the immediate area that looked like the man the others had described she'd just have to start asking around for him. She'd asked most of the humans she'd found and pretty much all of them had looked at her like she was insane. Perhaps because this was a fantasy scenario the other players hadn't been programmed past their expected lines and actions.

Sam wondered about that point as she made her way back to the rear of the deck where she'd started and she sighed loudly. She'd had no luck in finding Rogers and she was starting to get worried. She looked over the rail to the other ship beyond the one she was one and found that another one had pulled up beside the first and now there were several other people involved in the melee below her.

A huge explosion ripped through the ship that Sam was standing on and she pitched forward, almost over the railing. A startled squeak escaped her lips and she grabbed firmly onto the railing in front of her.

"Hold on Princess! I'm coming to get you," shouted a voice from the other ship.

Suddenly a rope flew across the gap between the two ships, a metal hook clanging against the railing and sliding along the bar until it found a hold and locked into place. Before Sam could back up enough to get out of the way the man in the black outfit that had been swinging around the sword earlier came flying over the gap and landed in a heap on top of her.

"What the hell?" Sam growled as the man on top of her practically groped her as he rolled around with her on the pitching deck. "Get off me!"

"Sorry about that Princess. Must have misjudged my landing. Now, let's get you out of here before it gets dangerous." He leaped up and held out his hand for her.

"Whoa there skippy. Let's not be hasty," Sam stood up and balanced herself against the railing.

"But it's too dangerous for you here. I have to get you to safety. Morga the Scourge and his henchmen will be after you in a few moments. We need to leave now!" Reaching for the sword thing at his waist with one hand he grabbed her hand with the other and started tugging her away from the railing.

Sam however, was not about to be treated like that so she kicked out her foot and hooked it behind his ankle, dropping him to the deck with a thud. "We're not going anywhere until we talk. Are you Rogers?"

He glanced up at her and blinked a few times. "What are you talking about Princess? I'm Logan Darkstar. You know that."

He was trying to keep the scenario going but Sam had seen the look of recognition pass over his face. "Fine have it your way." She lifted her delicately slippered foot up and gently placed it on his throat. When his eyes began bulging out from the pressure she was applying she smiled down at him. "Ready to try this again? Are you Rogers?"

He gulped and wheezed a bit but nodded. "Could you let me up please?"

Sam lowered her hand and helped the man up. "Okay you need to listen to me. My friends and I are trapped in a cave and somehow we're ending up in these scenarios of yours. You need to help us get out."

Laser bolts flew dangerously close over their heads and Sam turned to see several large lizard like creatures pointing weapons at them bearing down quickly. She turned to Rogers who was groping his pockets for something. When he found what he was looking for he glanced up at the rapidly approaching lizards and pulled out a small device. Once he'd punched a few buttons on the device everything around them disappeared.

Sam blinked a few times and found herself in a large room with metal walls and not much else. "Where are we?"

"My holo- chamber. Can I get you something to drink?"

Sam had to laugh at that, "Your _what_?"

He turned to look at her as if she'd just said she was from another planet. "Geez, my holo-chamber. Haven't you ever watched Star Trek?"

"Well yeah but…you're kidding right?"

"No. I'm totally serious. I'm a video game designer and we've gotten so advanced in making games that it wasn't much of a stretch to create a virtual world game. But I haven't got a clue how you ended up in it."

"Wait a minute. You're telling me that this is just a giant video game?"

He nodded at her.

"Okay, where are we?"

Turning away from her he walked across the room to a panel on the wall that opened up to reveal a refrigerator. "We're in my basement. Sure you don't want something to drink?"

"No, thank you. Um, where is your basement. I mean where in the country are we?"

He looked at her quizzically again. "We're on Colorado. Where else would we be?"

Sam thought fast and couldn't come up with any reasonable answer. "Well I don't know. I'm still not sure how we ended up in your scenario thing."

"You keep saying 'we'. Where are your friends?" Rogers asked as he looked around the empty room. Not like there was anyplace they could be hiding.

"I have no clue. We were in a cave somewhere and there was no visible way out."

Rogers nodded several times as if everything made perfect sense to him. "Yup, I thought so. They must be in the cave under the house. Up here in the mountains there's always a few odd caves around. What were you doing that would have brought you into the caves?"

Once more racking her brain Sam came up with the only logical explanation she could thing of. "We were spelunking. Must have gotten turned around or something. So do you know if there's a way out of that cave? I really need to get my friends out of there."

"Yeah sure, follow me," Roberts said with a grin. He walked across the floor to another panel and pushed a small button on it. The wall slid up to reveal a fully furnished basement beyond. As they wove their way through the sofas and chairs he led Sam to a wooden door that he unlocked and opened revealing a stairway that led down.

"You have a stairway to a cave under your house?"

"Yeah. What? You can never be too safe nowadays ya know. You do realize that there's a military base on the other side of this mountain right? What happens if they get attacked? I gotta have a back up plan you know."

Sam stared in disbelief at Rogers. Apparently they were just on the other side of the mountain from the SGC. Her mind racing, she followed him down the stairs. When they reached the bottom he pulled a chain attached to a bare light bulb and the darkness receded back. Looking around her she saw nothing but cave at first.

"Over there," he pointed motioning towards a rock that stuck out from the wall. "If you look behind it you'll find a passageway. If you follow it you should come out in the cave under the house and your friends should be there."

Sam started for the rock and sure enough there was a tunnel behind it. Looking back over her shoulder she saw Rogers heading back to the stairs. "Where are you going?"

"Oh, I've got a conference call to make in 15 minutes. Can you find your way back upstairs from here?"

"Yeah I suppose. Are you sure this tunnel goes to the cave where my friends are?"

"Pretty certain. The room you told me about sounds like the one under the holo-chamber. I've never explored farther than that since it seemed like the ideal spot to wait an attack out. If there not there then come on back up and we'll both go looking once I'm done with my call. If you find them, you can wait in the basement till I come back. There's a bar and a phone and stuff if you need it."

Sam looked grateful and smiled at him, "Thanks um….Mr. Rogers?"

"Walter. Walter Rogers. Pleased to meet you." He shook Sam's hand and jogged up the stairs.


	10. Chapter 10

The last glow stick was just fading into darkness when Sam's head poked around a rock at the back of the cave. "Whatcha doing guys?"

Jack visibly jumped when she spoke, clearly not expecting to hear her voice. Sam stifled a giggle and came the rest of the way around the rock. "You guys ready to go home?"

Daniel and Teal'c looked very relieved and jumped up grabbing their packs. "So how'd you figure out how to get us out of here?" Daniel walked over to Sam and grinned anxiously.

"Yup, turns out we're just on the other side of the mountain from the base. Still not sure how we got here but I know how to get us out." She motioned to the rock she'd emerged from, "Seems there was a passage back here the entire time. It leads through a tunnel to a stair case that goes up to the basement of the man that was in all the scenarios."

"Care to explain that Carter?" Jack looked like he was ready to throttle someone if he didn't get out of the cave soon.

"I wish I could sir. There must have been a power fluctuation or something and we ended up on this side of the mountain instead of back in the SGC. I'd need to see the data from the gate computer to give you an exact answer. For now why don't we just get out of here. I had to tell Walter that we were spelunking and got lost. It seemed the only logical reason for us to be in the caves."

Jack's eyebrow raised, "Walter?"

Sam blushed a little and nodded, "Yeah, Walter Rogers. He's apparently a video game designer and we got pulled into his home made video games. Again, I'm not sure how or why but I'll figure that out when we get back to the base."

"Can we just go now?" Daniel whined.

"Sure. Let's get out of here. Oh, and remember that we're just ordinary people lost in the caves. No mention of anything military. Teal'c did you bring a hat?" Jack directed them all to the stairs and waited for Teal'c to pull his hat out of his pack. When he had they climbed the stairs to Rogers' basement.

They'd been poking around Walter's basement for a while when Jack realized that they had no way out of the area so he walked over to the phone and called a secure line to the base. "General Hammond please." He was waiting patiently when Walter came back down the stairs.

"Hey, you found them. Sorry about the confusion and such. I've been trying to figure out how you all got caught up in the VR games. The only thing I can figure out is that the holograms bled over into the cave and you all just happened to get fooled into seeing them."

Not wanting to hang up the phone on General Hammond, Jack was suddenly in a situation where he had to figure out how to get his point across without actually saying anything while Walter was in the room. "Uh, hi George. This is Jack." He glanced over at Walter and noticed that the other man was paying him no attention.

"Colonel O'Neill? Where the hell are you? You were supposed to return almost seven hours ago and no one came through the wormhole."

"I know that George. We kinda got lost. Listen we're at the home of a Walter Rogers, could you send a car to come pick us up? Seems we're way far away from where we thought we'd end up and we left our ride back at the other end of the cave."

"Are you telling me you are at a civilians house?"

"That's right. Can you give us a ride please George?"

"I'll send an unmarked car to pick you up. What's the address?"

Jack asked Walter for the address and relayed the information to General Hammond. Hammond promised a car to be there shortly and hung up.

_Three hours later:_

"So as near as I can figure, the fluctuation in the gate program caused us to be pulled into the cave. Apparently that also accounted for the misfiring of his holographic generator and that's what pulled us into his basement scenarios." Carter had been droning on in her techno babble for what seemed like an hour to Jack.

"So have we figured out how to keep this from happening again or not?" Jack's patience had left him about six hours ago and if he hurried he could still make the second half of the hockey game.

"Yes sir, we believe we have found a way to buffer…"

"Okay, next question. Carter, tell me again about this outfit you were wearing?"

Sam's jaw dropped and she coughed a few times trying to find and answer that was not terribly embarrassing. When she couldn't come up with anything that would not make her blush furiously she turned to General Hammond for help. Before she could say anything Jack spoke again.

"Good, then I'll see you all tomorrow. Good night," he said in a hurry as he got up and bolted for the door.

Daniel, Teal'c, Sam and General Hammond all stared after him with open mouths. After a moment of staring at Jack's receeding figure Daniel rose from the table. "Well I guess everything's back to normal then huh?"

General Hammond looked around the room at the others and nodded slowly. "Yup, sounds pretty normal to me."


End file.
